“Who I Truly Am”

I’ve lived to uplift the unguided
chasing the voices all on my own
Now when I’m under-appreciated
Life’s free land has been shown

I loved him deeper
Than love he’s ever known
I was restless
When I first had flown

That old web
Can’t twist me in trepidation
For I’m finally free to be
Who I truly am

My heart couldn’t
make us harmonize
I mouthed your words
I breathed for whom I empathized
Like a crystal ball reveals all my hurt

I love you deeper
than love you’ve known
I was restless
when I first had flown

That old web
Can’t twist me in trepidation
For I’m finally free to be
Who I truly am

Love no longer
blinds me as long
Declaring freedom
I found in following
my true self
turning an unwavering flicker on
And those in disagreement
can’t be helped

That old web
does not twist me
in trepidation
I’m finally free to be
Who I truly am.


“Demised Love Returned Me”

I’m somewhat reborn
Our demised love returns me
To sanity my heart and mind had sworn

are a muse again
Healing from abuse
I was confined to
Is recaptured
as intervening inspiration

I take my time
In letting gravity
Weigh in my mind
But I was too heavy
Trying to believe in you
And still be my own
If you curse me with self-doubt
I can’t balance being grown

Chasing what I visualize
Without focusing on eggshells
Might mean a masterpiece
Without my being compromised
Like forsaking Heaven
To abide by your Hell

I can take my time
To let gravity weigh in my mind
But I was too heavy
To believe in you
And still be my own
If you curse me with self doubt
I can’t balance being grown

You can reserve rage
for me
And take for granted
our mortality
By only acknowledging
my negativity

But I’ve been blamed
For who I was born
to irreversibly be
I’ve been targeted
For wanting to be myself

No circumstance
has yet hindered me
From eventually resuming my flight
guided by
what I wholeheartedly believe

I’m somehow reborn
Our demised love returned me
To the place
my heart and mind were sworn

Simplicities are my muse again
Healing from all I was bound to
I’ve recaptured
as intervening inspiration.

“Wings Always Reappear”

I rescued you
I should have known
I’d lose you

I’m last to your high
And my trail is embedded
With goodbyes

When we weren’t
Our mothers children
We whispered death wishes
And God listened

Wings can disappear
We suspect every human being
God is He who listens
As we’re screaming
Forgetting we’re still living

I’m unworthy to you
The love of my life
Forgot how to love
My mother’s kiss of approval
Turned blue
And I often vow to bolt
This heart I’m made of

When I became
My mother’s orphan
I whispered death wishes
And God always listened

Wings disappear
We suspect each human being
God always hears
As we’re screaming
we’re still living

This universe judges my voice
But Earth is secondary
In the middle of city noise
I sense I was brought this far
By the Heavenly

Wings always reappear
In spite of human beings
When God always hears
When I screamed
And I forgot
Why I’m still living.

“Your Cord Strangling Me”

I turned to you as before
I told you how I wish
He’d face me

You were there but off shore
For nobody since he
Could trace me

You shower me
I search for you
I can’t see past your cord
Strangling me
Always hooked to you

You can live with me
Dangling from you
You were told you’re healed
And I’m only a lost cause
Obligated as DNA
In you

Maybe no one offered you
Tickets to closure to unfold
When you fled

You throw pence at me
Not because I floor you
My feeling never has you sold
But I’m fed

You shower me
I search for you
Your heart past your cord
Strangling me
Never letting go of you

You stand there
Witness me disintegrate
Say any word would be
Only for arguments sake

But I prayed
Night after night
For you to stand there
To return my boyhood embrace
Release your laughter
To my empty space
For my Heaven on Earth’s sake

Don’t shower me
Just to make me search
For you
As you hide
Behind your cord
It’s strangling me
And never yielding you

Am I too desperate
To heal?
Should I shut the fuck up
As I dangle from you?

You seem so healed
I feel like your lost cause
Obligated as DNA
In you.

“Your Boy Sees A Boy”

Sheer joy could be
In my language
If I too lived in disbelief
Of the dominoes

A child can forget
He needs bandage
This world is grand enough
To bleed everywhere
And still glow

Your boy sees a boy
So happy
As you can’t grow
Or speak honestly

I may not be a boy
Who learned to be happy
But my lotus is free
To grow
Even as skies fool me

Your smile swept me
Head over heels
But you said my heart
Was the deepest

It’s my love that makes
My joy easy to steal
But your stunted insight
Gave me perspective
Like crying atop Everest

You can make a boy
So happy
But you won’t grow
Bubbles disregard casualty

I was not a boy
Who could be happy
But I could always grow
Define myself honestly

I could brave the motions
Fathom empty blood circulated
Like promises
of shallow oceans
The kindness
I only hallucinated

As you tried to be
My flower
Whose stem never bent
For my darkness
But you don’t have ears
For the sour
Cold mansions are sweeter
Than any wilderness

So a wing keeps a boy
Tucked in so happy
Now he never has to grow
Or speak vulnerably

I am still not a boy
Who can be happy
A flight could mean joy
But you could not kill me.

“Fantasies Burn”

Standing apart
From the rest
Dreams can seem
To be more than tests
Passion can be fits
But so sweetly

Even as matches
Light each thought
And I wake stronger
My dry eyes
Outshine characters
That once had me caught

Fantasies burn
Like ropes with gas
But pretenders are worn
Reality breaks glass
Recollections have dementia
Fantasies are episodes
With euphoria

I reached for you
Now I reach for higher truth

I longed to be special too
That was one of your lies
I’m ordinarily present like you
I’m working on the nightmare
I am in your eyes

Life is kinder
Without blinders
I mourn you
But you’re not real
You were eventually
Going to waver
And your hands were only
Ghostly air I could feel

Fantasy like ropeburn
Can choke and blemish
A pretender I was not born
Reality has authentic relish

I’ve loved enough to know
I don’t know his face
Till he is long gone
I’m awake enough to know
Fantasy makes it harder
To carry on

I reached for you
But you’re not part of truth

You tried to give me holidays
But the gifts came
When you died
I inhaled the truth with grace
And I learned you’re weightless
In this life

So if you have a dream
Know the hands
You’re holding
So life and vision can not seem
Too blinding
And you’re not
Always falling

Fantasies burn
Like passionate boys
But vision takes a turn
Reality sees for you such joy

I reached for you
You were faded by
My truth.

“Your Flicker To My Flame”

I was still a child
Disliked for who I was inside
My heart too wild
They ran to leave me cry

You rebirthed my vision
To see I’m meant
To love myself
When I feel vacant
There’s no killing hand
I’m dealt

Death wishes engulf my mind
You guide this spirit of mine
Serenity keeps demons tamed
Like your flicker
To my flame

They don’t have to know me
Who they are
Can chase them from me
I can forgive quietly
Without believing
They have to break me

Maybe I’m not orphaned
Maybe laughter
Is from life you gave me
I can pray to Heaven
And still smile in the life
You saved me

Death engulfs me
You guide me
Serenity has demons tamed
Like your flicker
To my flame

My life won’t forever feel
Ultimately deadly
Peace of mind can be real
Like sweet sanity

They won’t always
Make me feel
Like a handful
I’m made of your love
They easily steal
Not only their scared souls

Death wishes engulf me
You guide this spirit in me
Serenity keeps demons tamed
Like your flicker
To my flame

You rebirthed
My vision
I see I’m destined
To love myself.

“Wise Enough”

It’s unwise
To skip a pill
I’d be otherwise
Criminally ill

It was unwise
To try seducing you
To look in your eyes
And say I Love You

But when it’s wise enough
To share some of their love
When they say it’s wise
To again look into my eyes

Come see my life without you
Make the circle game true
I’ll wait for them to say it’s wise
To join me at the ocean’s tide

It’s wasteful of me
To wait for your heart
To open
I wish you’d see
How I’m so independent

You don’t have to lay
In my new bed
You don’t have to
Touch me one bit
Just come back
And repair my head
Return the puzzle piece
Missing from my spirit

And when it’s wise enough
To be your own
Kind of tough
When they say it’s wise
To dry my eyes

Come see what you carved
Feed the boy you starved
I’ll wait for them
to say it’s wise
So you can bring me sails
One sparkling sunrise

Must you utter my name?
They define my name
As insane
You could say
You’re off to an old friend
You could say
He needs his anxiety
To come to an end

Can I be wise enough?
To win some of your love?
Once upon a time
I was wise
You cried for my cries

I know you wonder
About me
I know you never
Lied to me
The love songs
Can’t be disguised
I’ll just listen till they say
I am wise.

“Beyond Suffering Galaxy”

I close my eyes
One more solitary night
They’re clarified
Of the ghost
Of your sight
Of all the lies
Of any salvaging might
Your cutting disguise
Lifts as I’m left with fright

I felt saved for a second
Fairytales have book ends
I was merely confined
To love that held me blind
My life that felt so saved
Was only a road devils paved

Your haunting eyes
Made our future look bright
But I realized
You never streaked twilight
And each sunrise
Was never secured tight
As I arise
God gives me
The most secure light

I was never saved by you
You never brightened
My blues
I was only confined
To your limited time
The only spirit that saves me
Transcends your
Suffering galaxy

Superheroes with egos
Only collect zero
As rain still pours
You never score

I prayed so hard
Still lost all my heart
But I was saved
By divine way

My open eyes
On this solitary night
Are so clarified
Of ghosts of your sight

Oh, how you lied
Of any salvaging might
Your breaking disguise
Lifted and left me
With such fright
But a spirit saved me
Beyond your suffering galaxy.