“Deceived With Warmth”

You were safely familiar
Your arms opened to me
in my storm
You’re too naive to know
How much you’ve ever stirred
Engulfed dreams deceived me
With warmth

I awaited you in your cave
Playing house
Like I’ve always conjured hearts
Imagining forever

Still I somehow knew
I’d have to escape
like an unfed mouse

Even after coming full circle
Over and over again
After all we’ve weathered

I believed in you
You believed in me
You wanted to warm your hands
By me
Till you were filled with laughter
And defined me as a mockery

Closeness has been making
My bones twitch
God made kindness
Homeless
My defense makes me
A bitch
Beyond an advantage
I’m worthless

I woke up
From wanting to die
I may never be fit
For Nirvana beyond circumstance

My heart is always
Ultimately denied
Following a whirlwind contact high
At first glance

I believed in you
You believed in me
You wanted to warm your hands
By me
Till you bursted with laughter
And defined me as mockery

I can spend my lifetime
Uncovering who I am truly
But being lured in by you
Then diminished unspokenly
Alters who I see
When I reflect on who God made
And I can see why
Wildfires in storms
Are fast to fade

You looked safe
You looked familiar
Your arms opened to me
In my storm
We’re too naive to know
How much we’ve ever stirred
Engulfed dreams deceived me
With warmth.

Past The Mist

Truth is
you disappeared
When I gained
a voice
I knew what I’d hear
Was not
the only choice

You burned stones
Of your promises
All because
you won’t learn
To understand

You tried
reconciling
But I can’t suppress bruises
From shaking yourself
roughly from my hand

When I couldn’t be
your project
Once secured
by you
You’ll never resurrect

So I grieve,
overflowing in tears
And I recall
you’ve buried
Your demons
for years

I’ll never know why
I’ve lost you
I know I was not
a cost to you
You see it like it is
I see
you’re unwilling
To see
past the mist

I compensated for all
You refused to learn
Just so it was harmonious
Over breakfast

And I made believed
I simmered your burns
When you’re still the queen
Of cutthroat tacts

It was an oversight
you begged me
to live for you
Then you ran away
with my only purpose
for life

Like my suicideology
Is not due to you
I silently took from your hands
Your bloody knife

You once nurtured
Emotional expression
But now call my cries
Dramatic auditions

So I’m grieving
Overflowing with tears
I resist reaching out to you
Only out of fears

I’ve lost you
At no cost to you
You see it
Like it is
I see
you’re unwilling
To see
past the mist

No longer under your wing
First you shook me
Then I saved myself
Soaring

Cracking eggshells inside
But I’ve flewn too far
to harbor your insanity

Broken-hearted,
tearfully
Tables turned
and I urged you
To keep away
from me

I’ll always yearn
innately
For you
to open to me
But as my tears
flood me
And overflow
around me

Your absence
Is so
liberating

I’ve forever lost you
At no cost to you
You see it
Like it is
I see
you’re unable
To see
past the mist.

“No Longer In Your Cocoon”

I was in your womb
A caterpillar
I’m no longer
in your cocoon
I’ll let you be
a shooting star
Of a mother

I leave it all behind
To breakthrough
And sprout wings
Abandoned and blind
But I can see
When winged masters scream
Cocoons are emptied
And finally ready
For a new beginning

I’d never dream
To make you grovel
To make you regard
Your first gleam
I can assist you gladly
With the shovel

I leave it all behind
To breakthrough
To sprout wings
Abandoned and blind
But I can see now
Winged masters scream
Cocoons are emptied
They’re finally ready
For a new beginning

I am my own
Purpose for breathing
You don’t need any pride for me
Your pride is not defining
I can accept your love diminished for me
But I can say I’ve loved
Unconditionally
As I’m fluttering past you
When you’ve given up
on me

I’m leaving it all behind
To sprout wings
Once abandoned
Once so blind
Now I see
As winged masters
Are screaming
And cocoons emptied
And are ready
For this new beginning.