“More Than Zero (For Andrew)”

If you dreamt of me
I’d never let go
Whenever you’d see me
You’d always follow

I failed to know
How to love you
You didn’t know
How to ask to be loved

You said
I was your superhero
After another was my hero
After I’ve too long
felt like zero

We’re the same
Burning the same hell within
We put our hearts to shame
You escape through addiction

I weep not knowing
Where you’re sleeping
I can’t be saved
You’re not mine to be saving

You said
I’m your superhero
After another was my hero
After spending too long
Feeling like zero

You asked for validation
I ask for our serenity
But I know our connection
Came amidst our heartbreaks
Serendipitously

You say I’m persistent
I say you clean up beautifully
But now I’m independent
And you’re still that cyclone
Circling yourself
I almost couldn’t see

But I’m glad to have been
Your superhero
Seasonal like my hero
You’ve made me feel
More than zero.

“Gods Child (If I Loved Myself)”

You loved yourself
Moving in men
into our home
Who shattered our sense of self
You tell me just to let it go

I thought love
Fertilized all that roots lacked
Love seemed like the missing key
To every cage

God says
love yourself
When a spear
is in your back
Free the ones you love
Till you’re the one
imprisoned in rage

If I loved myself
If I felt like God’s child
Less like a boy I was dealt
I’m grown enough
To walk from your words
So vile

He didn’t love himself
I slaved to enrich
his dead heart
Shattered my sense of self
Dreaming we’d master an art

He asked
when I’d finally let go
I didn’t know
he was minding time
Why’d he ask?
His angel would never let go
He didn’t have to tell me
He wings were clipped
for a lifetime

If I loved myself
I’d feel like God’s child
Less like a boy I was dealt
I’m grown enough
To feel an instrumental child

All I’ve become
Veils me from the Sun
But I’m a shameless advocate
Yet a bleeding reject

Putting myself before love
Breaks me in ways
No one can dream of

I’m a break through
Till break down
The brutal truth

If I loved myself
I’d be Gods child
Less like a boy I was dealt
I’m grown enough
To free a utilized child.

“Owning My Light”

You illuminated me
You abandoned me
I’ve never trimmed
from my soul
The pacific of forgiveness

I lacked value in your eyes
The shame could only be mine
Till I can see myself more clearly
In the crisp sky’s caress

I’m living
in a world of my way
No longer revolving
around your sun
Tyrannically

Owning my light
Shining brightly
With the greater affect
on the dawn
Definitively

I thought feeling unsafe
Was my perpetual trap
and cave
But feeling
so inadequate
Never foiled my voice
that raises me

It’s brought to my attention
Grace and marks
of my inspiration
If I remove the bitter
Stones melt into gems
that bless me

Living in a world of my way
No longer revolving
around your sun
Tyrannically

Owning my light
Shining brilliantly
With the greater affect on the dawn
Definitively

I’ve squandered precious time
Believing I’m too sick
To be truly loved by you
Guilty as a crime
My pleas against a gravestone
Were more sick
But true to my light
I still believe
Love who I am today
Can be true.

“Full Monarch Reassuring Me”

You read me
Like a tale
Because you know yourself

Your tears showered
As we sail
You know the loss I felt

You’re the full monarch
under the moon
Reassures me it gets better
Beyond the cocoon

Through my insecurity
Your softness upholds me
Where you reserve space for me
I am uplifted spiritually

When he hurt you
I thought your love is too gorgeous
He is not guided by you
I’m touched by your art so zealous

You’re a monarch under the moon
Reassuring me it gets better
Beyond the cocoon

Through my insecurity
Your softness upholds me
Where you reserve space for me
I’m uplifted spiritually

Someday I’ll be stable
And you have your dreams
But my heart is enabled
And you’re a winged gleam

You’re a full monarch under the moon
Promising it gets better
Beyond the cocoon

I’ll shed my insecurities
Your softness upholds me
Where I’m reserved for thee
I’m uplifted spiritually.

“I Was Unsafe”

Sailing alone
Tides regress you
Splitting images
of Heaven cast stones
Your ship is too often abused

My tears almost sank me
When nothing was the same
I could breathe
when I stripped
All the shame

I was unsafe
I was engaged
Protected, secured
Life was immersed
in your allure

But I am awake
I rise from the corner
you forsake
You moved in on
all you could play on
Still by Gods selfless love
I feel showered upon

You’re not my blanket
Not my affection friend
Never committed in spirit
Never solemn till the end

Whoever you are
Is who I need you to be
You were right but absent
When I was finally free

I was unsafe
I was engaged
Protected, secured
Life was immersed
in your allure

But I am awake
I rise from the corner
you forsake
You moved in on
all you could play on
Still by Gods selfless love
I feel showered upon

Fairytales feel so lively
Maybe we forget
we wrote the lines
Heroes feel so high and mighty
They easily forget
I said I can lose my mind

I’ve learned about heroes
I’ve learned of too much trust
I read better red flags
Like those that read
Love just became unjust

I was unsafe
I was engaged
Protected, secured
Life was immersed
in your allure

But I am awake
I rise from the corner
you forsake
You moved in on
all you could play on
Still by Gods selfless love
I feel showered upon

“Embraceable Me”

I didn’t have power over me
Everyone believed
They forsook me

Losing my spirit
was my limit
I can see I showered credit
For those who are not God
For those who
never made me

Wherever I go
I am worthy
Of an embrace
Unconditionally

There was always hope
In this colorful humanity
One will take note
Of embraceable me

If they can’t contend
with me
It’s not my burden
to cripple me
It’s their awakening
To grow into

But I can’t make them
Grow with me
And I can’t allow
My evolution
to be flooded by grief

Now I’m the one in control
When I was once powerless
When I was robbed
Of my youth

Wherever I go
I am worthy
Of being embraced
Unconditionally…

I’ll know
When he’s not selfish
I’ll know
If he knows to value my soul
Learning to my flaws he’ll relish
He won’t just live for me
To make himself whole

I won’t be targeted
For who God made me
I’ll be loved enough
That each sun will be
Allowed to rise just openly

It will be known that only I
Can save me
Contentment will lie
In being present with me

Wherever I go
I am worthy
Of an embrace
Unconditionally

No one will take my hope
In our colorful humanity
Someday he will pen notes
For embraceable me.

“True City Angel”

Woken, reminded
Of weightlessness
I can achieve
If sunsets mirrored
back at me
Gave me a feeling
I can believe

From a night
God designed
To know
true butterflies let go
To feel the past uplifted
Beneath their wings
To never again
crash and burn slow

If I chase the dawn
Only carry a song
I’ll be set free
From each angle
To be a true city angel

I just endured
the stormiest dusk
I wish I could say
It was a bad dream
I was crippled with fear
Life showed me
the worst I’ve ever seen

I was livid
at my confusion
But a true butterfly lets go
Of the past
Pinning down his wings
To never again
crash and burn slow

I chase the dawn
Carrying a song
Set free from each angle
To feel like a true city angel.