“We Never Cried Together”

You cried
When you needed me
You wail
When my blanket
stings sharply

If I cried
I have to swallow my tears
Because you fail me
Only public windows
are stained with my wept fears

We never cried together
To relieve abusive fever
Rivers flow into infinite seas

Crying together could have
brought us magic through
facing each other’s
vulnerabilities

I tried
Believing you grew better
I thrived
On each word
that sounded kinder

And I believed
We grew together
But there’s introspection
I achieved
You only regressed backwards
So I’ve lost you forever

We never cried together
To relieve abusive fever
Rivers flow into infinite seas

Crying together could have
brought us magic through
facing each other’s
vulnerabilities

They called me foolish
Investing my
whole world of faith in your soul
If your world was unblemished
If you never need to see yourself
through my heart
you overtake as a whole
Then you wouldn’t be foolish
To think you’ve cried to me
over love

We never cried together
To relieve abusive fever
Rivers flow into infinite seas

Crying together could have
brought us magic through
facing each other’s
vulnerabilities.

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“Learn To Play”

I’ve always feared you
No more than I feared myself
You brought me
Closer to my fears
I cried for how real I felt

I’m too different than you
I dream of evolution
And make it true
You knife me
And I bleed endlessly
I am lighter than you
And I forgive more easily

So I’m letting my spirit
Whisk me away
Guilt ridden as you might
Truly hate me

My dreams did not change
Because love swayed
We loved with intensity
This world can’t compete

As I suffer without you
I worry for your well-being
You pull off
nonchalance so true
I hope you continue growing

Through our revealing love,
we each grew stronger
Where’s the motivating factor,
if we won’t be together?

I read into your outbursts
and caught you as you
broke down into innocent tears
Don’t hate me after I was he
you began to least fear

I’m letting
my spirit take me away
We were mad
but your spirit overjoyed me
If I could heal your spirit, I’d stay
But waiting so long
compromised me

How can you hold me,
when you can’t make sense
of yourself?
You listen to me
If I don’t speak shaking truth
about yourself?

But you feel free
To surround me
With my every flaw
Returning my past around me
The only love
little boys saw

Suddenly you want to
flourish lovingly
When I’ve already
broken down

I gave of my soul
for months
To lose control
of my chemistry
So I leave you to be found

And my spirit
takes me away
It’s not my burden
if you hate me

I will set the tune
for my own day
Your spirit will have
to learn to play
Before you can take me.

“If We Kissed Now”

If we kissed now
You’re still a prisoner
I still want to taste
your lips somehow
But once being so weak
As to try the sin as suicide
I hold the richness
of my life tighter

I’ve found my key today
It’s like black tea
through December’s
LA’s sun rays
Knowing how to verbalize
what I feel right now
Too much would be unknown
in your sweet kiss now

I set up house
I flaunted
self-sufficiency
I wouldn’t
establish myself loud
I thrusted myself
into the new culture
brightly

I explored
a new love’s heart
Found I love in ways
most cannot return
But this city
is for twisted art
And we’re lucky if broilers
in our old buildings burn

Have I made
a tragic mistake?
Should I give you
time to open?
For an uncertain sake
As I lust for fulfillment
each time windows open?
Will my thoughts be
somewhere safe?
If I trust in your open heart
all over again?

I set up house
I flaunted
self-sufficiency
I wouldn’t
establish myself loud
I thrusted myself
into the new culture
brightly

I explored
a new love’s heart
Found I love in ways
most cannot return
But this city
is for twisted art
And we’re lucky if broilers
in our old buildings burn

You said you lost yourself
For some time
Something else that didn’t
blow my mind
But I’ve never seen you
find your way
To forgiving light for those
who slashed you with
confusing pain

I set up house
I flaunted
self-sufficiency
I wouldn’t
establish myself loud
I thrusted myself
into new culture
brightly

I explored
a new love’s heart
Found I love in ways
most cannot return
But this city
is for twisted art
And we’re lucky if broilers
in our old buildings burn

Would your kisses
make sense?
Would you have
your mixed feelings?

Will I say the
wrong implications?
Would you stay silent
And leave me
anxiously wondering?

I set up house
I flaunted
self-sufficiency
I wouldn’t
establish myself loud
I thrusted myself
into new culture
brightly

I explored
a new love’s heart
Found I love in ways
most cannot return
But this city
is for twisted art
And we’re lucky if broilers
in our old buildings burn.

“Saving Myself”

I never imagined you’d tell me
After falling madly
in love with you
That there are some fears
we won’t rise above

And I thought of
How I have suffered waiting
For you to catch up

You can run away
You can stay afraid
But I’ve tried to save myself
From a cut for which
their aren’t enough bandaids

You’ve tried my patience
When you run away,
I learn worth of time
So if we’re always running
I’m saving myself
till the end of time

I’ve always embrace you
And you compromised my mind
I still believe you’re true
But I waited
and we wasted time

Now you see the importance
In unveiling yourself
But you’ve always failed to see
the severity in me
putting you before how I felt

I can’t keep
relying on my insight
To tell me
what you’re angry about
I can’t loiter
more unstable nights
Because you blame me
for why I shout

You can run away
You can stay afraid
But I’ve tried to save myself
From a cut for which
their aren’t enough bandaids

You’ve tried my patience
When you run I learn
worth of time
So if we’re always running
I’m saving myself
till the end of time

Seasons later,
you finally become vulnerable
After my mental state
has gone to Hell and back

Are you the only
traumatized one
who needed
a comfort level?

I’m afraid it’s you
out of tune
that threw us off track

You can run away
You can stay afraid
But I’ve tried to save myself
From a cut for which
their aren’t enough bandaids

You’ve tried my patience
When you run I learn
worth of time
So if we’re always running
I’m saving myself
Till the end of time.

“I Know About Heroes”

You hate me
But it’s right to save myself
I did everything
to keep you near me
But your need to battle
Was all you ever felt

I know about heroes
I could not be one of yours
I once had my own hero
There came a time to soar

Only you can resolve your past
And pacify your unseen wars
I release my once salvaging grasp
There’s so much love in you
I can see past your hatred
And stay open for

I have faith
You’ll grow to understand
I just can’t disenchant you
Unable to save you

I can’t run to you
When you beckon my hands
I’ve lived in your shoes
As I’ve enraged you

I know about heroes
I could not be one of yours
I had my own hero
There came a time to only soar

Only you can resolve your past
And pacify your unseen wars
As I released my salvaging grasp
I see love in you
Past your hatred
That I stay open for

I can share wholeness
I’m still filling
I can stand by you
without rescuing
You don’t have to
fill my needs
And need me
to be salvaging

You have wars
you’re medicating
There’s deception
that left you distrusting
When I’m not
one more conspirator
I remember what makes
you mesmerizing

I know about heroes
I could not be one of yours
I had my own hero
There only came time to soar

May you resolve your past
And pacify your unseen wars
I released my salvaging grasp
But I won’t forget the love
Beyond your hatred
I stay open for.

“Again Waiting (for Andrew)”

Logic knows
Why I need to let go
But my heart memorized
Growing aglow
when you’re misty eyed

You expressed gratitude
Affectionately
Then abandoned me
Predictably

We come full circle
Routinely
But this time I await you
More lovingly

We were mending
Our broken hearts
When I’ve realized
I’m deeply falling
When we’re yet again apart
And I’m yet again waiting

I have grown
To fathom fears
you can’t disown
If you wish to grow
I’ll sit here
as you blossom
From all your woes

I’m grateful
For your vulnerabilities
I can abandon
Our sordid history
I’m desperate to come full circle
Eventually
Next time I will feel for you
More lovingly

We were mending
Our broken hearts
But I’ve realized
I’m deeply falling
When we’re yet again apart
And I’m yet again waiting

Love is unrequited again
I won’t compete with
Your poison

But once upon a time I held you
Away from danger
That seemed untrue
You were my angel
Transcending sin
Who unlocked me within

As I was mending
My broken heart
Now I realize
I’m deeply falling
When we’re yet again apart
And I’m yet again waiting.

“Gods Child (If I Loved Myself)”

You loved yourself
Moving in men
into our home
Who shattered our sense of self
You tell me just to let it go

I thought love
Fertilized all that roots lacked
Love seemed like the missing key
To every cage

God says
love yourself
When a spear
is in your back
Free the ones you love
Till you’re the one
imprisoned in rage

If I loved myself
If I felt like God’s child
Less like a boy I was dealt
I’m grown enough
To walk from your words
So vile

He didn’t love himself
I slaved to enrich
his dead heart
Shattered my sense of self
Dreaming we’d master an art

He asked
when I’d finally let go
I didn’t know
he was minding time
Why’d he ask?
His angel would never let go
He didn’t have to tell me
He wings were clipped
for a lifetime

If I loved myself
I’d feel like God’s child
Less like a boy I was dealt
I’m grown enough
To feel an instrumental child

All I’ve become
Veils me from the Sun
But I’m a shameless advocate
Yet a bleeding reject

Putting myself before love
Breaks me in ways
No one can dream of

I’m a break through
Till break down
The brutal truth

If I loved myself
I’d be Gods child
Less like a boy I was dealt
I’m grown enough
To free a utilized child.

“Deceived With Warmth”

You were safely familiar
Your arms opened to me
in my storm
You’re too naive to know
How much you’ve ever stirred
Engulfed dreams deceived me
With warmth

I awaited you in your cave
Playing house
Like I’ve always conjured hearts
Imagining forever

Still I somehow knew
I’d have to escape
like an unfed mouse

Even after coming full circle
Over and over again
After all we’ve weathered

I believed in you
You believed in me
You wanted to warm your hands
By me
Till you were filled with laughter
And defined me as a mockery

Closeness has been making
My bones twitch
God made kindness
Homeless
My defense makes me
A bitch
Beyond an advantage
I’m worthless

I woke up
From wanting to die
I may never be fit
For Nirvana beyond circumstance

My heart is always
Ultimately denied
Following a whirlwind contact high
At first glance

I believed in you
You believed in me
You wanted to warm your hands
By me
Till you bursted with laughter
And defined me as mockery

I can spend my lifetime
Uncovering who I am truly
But being lured in by you
Then diminished unspokenly
Alters who I see
When I reflect on who God made
And I can see why
Wildfires in storms
Are fast to fade

You looked safe
You looked familiar
Your arms opened to me
In my storm
We’re too naive to know
How much we’ve ever stirred
Engulfed dreams deceived me
With warmth.

“Your Tears Of Empathy”

I thought I was flying
I was profusely crying
You never feared to cry
To lend yourself to my eyes

You were never overwhelmed
Never too tired for how I felt
Time passed us by
You rushed home to smile
In his eyes

You aimed for the door
My tears began to pour
I had to learn to gage
How to ride street level waves
As I drown inside
Life could only pass me by

Hearts grow evaporated
Promises go sedated
Only in episodes you cry
Death dispersed in your eyes

You easily say I’m cursed
And one million things worst
You’re not why I rediscovered life
And why I’ve rethought why I fly

You dashed for the door
My tears would not cease to pour
I’m unimportant and afraid
Drowning in street level waves
Dying inside
Life can only pass me by

Your tears of empathy
Froze into snowflakes
Fading from reality
Like who you portrayed

In your store of candy
I was never special
I’m just remnants now free
Only because I’m too much
of a handful

I look at my locked door
Like today when my tears poured
I still sometimes forget to gage
How to ride street level waves
And ponder my last breath inside
Life can only pass me by.

“Rejoice With You (Or In A Dream)?”

Standing tall
Over bloody hips
I answered destiny’s call
My tears nearly sank
My ship

I’ve only braved
Life without my Mother
When you expensively gave
Your arm like love and father

But now I’m fearless
Filling the void of you
But at times sadness
Returns my wish to share
My breeze with you

Born again
Basking in life
I let us end
Still I wish to bask
In new light
With you
At my side

Would I rejoice with you
Or in a dream I had
On my darkest night?

You have not called
I couldn’t hear you at sea
You saw me fall
Maybe you saw
You could have broken me

You are who God gave
To turn me to Him
As Mother and Father
No one can be saved
Without understanding birth
In life thereafter

You’re my witness
I’m lost when I’m vacant of love
You know I’m restless
I wish you’d see what
I’m now composed of

Born again
Basking in life
I’ve absorbed our end
If I could rejoice
In new light
With you at my side

But would I rejoice
Alongside you
Or with a dream I had
On my darkest night?