“More Than Zero (For Andrew)”

If you dreamt of me
I’d never let go
Whenever you’d see me
You’d always follow

I failed to know
How to love you
You didn’t know
How to ask to be loved

You said
I was your superhero
After another was my hero
After I’ve too long
felt like zero

We’re the same
Burning the same hell within
We put our hearts to shame
You escape through addiction

I weep not knowing
Where you’re sleeping
I can’t be saved
You’re not mine to be saving

You said
I’m your superhero
After another was my hero
After spending too long
Feeling like zero

You asked for validation
I ask for our serenity
But I know our connection
Came amidst our heartbreaks

You say I’m persistent
I say you clean up beautifully
But now I’m independent
And you’re still that cyclone
Circling yourself
I almost couldn’t see

But I’m glad to have been
Your superhero
Seasonal like my hero
You’ve made me feel
More than zero.

“Numb Flesh”

For Eric Baker

Crumbling without you
Corrupted beside you
You always knew what to say
Tearful for your touch
that has come to fade

I can’t remember
how you feel
My purpose
Easy to steal

Numbness of your flesh
can’t save me
There was life
your touch gave me

You painted my skies
A snowflake melted
before my eyes

You offered belonging
I’ve never had
Then couldn’t grasp
I’ve always been mad

Can you remember how I feel?
Was our purpose ever real?
Your numb flesh can’t save me
Your touch was life you gave me

I know I’m a man now
Still I long for my fire alarm
To be heard

Can’t you somehow
Feel how you once
took pride in touch
As a lovebird?

Grieving all I belonged to
You can’t fathom
being anonymous

Can you note you never
followed through
Nesting me with what
Made you appear
to be virtuous?

When you can’t remember
how love feels
Motioning in life seems unreal

Your flesh numbed
You’ll never again salvage me
I bawl for life
your flesh gave me.