“Always Be Crazy (Labeled)”

I invested my years
In draining cloudy skies
Coping with spells of tears
Hoping God was justified

But I had the right
to check out
Too soon I saw
the face of mortality
What possessing
too much empathy
was truly about
I’ve planted
too many new trees

Mother says
I’m the first to be dear
I’m the first to be labeled hastily
I think there’s truth to what I fear
To most I will always be crazy

I learned to think more clearly
And love with less passion
Prince Charming stoned me weary
I’m now too skeptical of religion

But my spirit was free enough
For a church
Too many unanswered questions
Turn sensitivity away
If I can’t trust a place
to land and perch
Without a limited
and fleeting stay

Mother says
I’m the first to be dear
I’m the first to be labeled hastily
I think there’s truth to my fears
I’ll always be crazy

To be a dreamer
Is an endeavor
That leaves me bed ridden
Wondering if God is just hidden

On this side of life
On the side of their knife
Where life only sticks
When therapy made me
A robotic mechanic

The first to be dear
The first to be labeled hastily
There’s truth to my fear
I’ll always be crazy.

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“Constant Star” (Mother’s Day poem)

My heroine can remind me
I was never limbless
Ostracized superheroes
Can grow so jealous
Of her spine and open arms
In her love for me
So, they stood in her way
With promises convincingly

But no more security blankets
I’m releasing my spirit
Pinned down by too many
Immortalized in my heart
But my wings were made
By just one constant star

I found a cradle
In reapers of melancholia
But they only said my heroine
Was part of my disturbia
When I wouldn’t have
rediscovered my lost heart
Without knowing my strength
As her given art

No more security blankets
I’m pushing my spirit
Pinned down by too many
Immortalized in my heart
But my wings were crafted
By just one constant star

She finally unveiled to me
She never plucked herself from me
Because I’m too much
But because my Romeo’s
Saw to it that she were rushed

Forced into liberty
Amidst crying spells
And despondency
I’m on my own two resilient feet
I promise you
new perspective has sewn
I’ve read early red flags so clearly

I know my new heroine
Is a brand new woman
Thank you for looking within
To love this new free man

My wings were crafted
By only one constant star.

“Invisible Heart”

I’m a giver
I’m a lover
I forsook myself
For pain they felt

The world is disguised
By its countless lies
I was disenchanted
Being so taken for granted

Life is less breaking
With an invisible heart
But I want to feel
How to follow my star

There are takers
There are haters
I almost felt
A stolen heart in myself

When I care for a soul
I’m led into a spinning hole
My compassion is taken
Advantage of
I see the fading of
Man God dreamt of

Life is less breaking
With an invisible heart
But I wish to feel
How to follow my heart

I caught things early
Before they turned unruly
I won’t victimize myself
I fought for harmony
I once upon a time felt
I’m a giver
I’m a lover
But not a soul
No longer hovers

Life is less breaking
With an invisible heart
But I will feel
How to follow my star.

“Owning My Light”

You illuminated me
You abandoned me
I’ve never trimmed
from my soul
The pacific of forgiveness

I lacked value in your eyes
The shame could only be mine
Till I can see myself more clearly
In the crisp sky’s caress

I’m living
in a world of my way
No longer revolving
around your sun
Tyrannically

Owning my light
Shining brightly
With the greater affect
on the dawn
Definitively

I thought feeling unsafe
Was my perpetual trap
and cave
But feeling
so inadequate
Never foiled my voice
that raises me

It’s brought to my attention
Grace and marks
of my inspiration
If I remove the bitter
Stones melt into gems
that bless me

Living in a world of my way
No longer revolving
around your sun
Tyrannically

Owning my light
Shining brilliantly
With the greater affect on the dawn
Definitively

I’ve squandered precious time
Believing I’m too sick
To be truly loved by you
Guilty as a crime
My pleas against a gravestone
Were more sick
But true to my light
I still believe
Love who I am today
Can be true.

“Why Give Me To You?”

Questioning Him
Why give me to you?
To be a belief system
Glorifying suicide
Before you can convince me
God is true

Your church circulates
Through my spirit
Till my faith vacates

I’m only surviving
without you
I was never alive
for me
Life was always
about you

I’m creative
I’m curious
My days are crying spells
I could never make you proud
You only drove me
Into the hands
of the weakest

I’m not your victim
I know why you
broke me down
Someone shattered you
as a girl

I don’t beat myself up
I was mindful
when I shut you down

But I’m tortured
By letting you go
I cry for any god
To explain
what he or she knows

I’m only existing
without you
I’ve never been alive
for me
Life was about you

I’m creative
I’m curious
My days are crying spells
I could never make you proud
You incessantly drove me
Into the hands
of the weakest

I have your sixth sense
When a man tries
overtaking me
But your absence
clouds my lens
Pain between us
steals my clarity

Asked why
I’m your victim
And I use the backbone
you gave me
And make it clear
I’m only setting myself free
And we all work
at a different pace
To grieve

I’ll grow to live
without you
I’ll learn to feel alive
for me
Though life was always
about you.

“Together We’re Unfolding”

For Brad

Underneath your wings
I needed a dream
The crestfallen thing
Is becoming a faded beam

I long to save you
From the thought
You can’t have more

Love doesn’t have to exist
Far away from you
Maybe you’re resonating with the one
you’ve been searching for

You told me
Life grows lonely
As price for peace
And yourself unfolding

You’re so mighty
You’re tenderness is so sultry
You look to make sure I’m free
I’m a bird wrapped in your breeze

I long to melt pain life gave you
And take your hand through
Another door

Love doesn’t have to be labor
Love should be pure
Like you knowing my voice
When I call your name forth

You told me
Life grows lonely
As a price for peace
And yourself unfolding

We had nurture extinguished
You grew into
An aesthetic man I relish
You triumph in all you contemplate
You name my blades any day

You can be the nurturer
You always wanted to have
I’ll rock you through the loneliness
That’s always bestilled you as sad

You enfold me
And smile so lovely
With eyes piercing with peace
Together we’re unfolding.

“Blue Goddess”

I was blind
When you built my life
And said you’d always care

You had tired your care
On those who had
already been there.

When my mind
Came with demonic duality
It was easy for you to accuse me
And say I don’t care
When I merely prayed
You’d see how life is unfair
And prayed you’d return
To once again always be there

I’ll be there for those I care for
Like you were there for me before
But I won’t beg you anymore
If you forget who you cared for

You can’t feel
The pain I cry for
When I chose to embody
The purpose you asked me
to live for
And how I learned to know
What I stand for

Pain is real
When words run away from you
And you can just be
Roaming with scars existent
Before I was true
Before you were my goddess,
You were blue

I’ll be there
For those I care for
Like you were there
Times before
But I won’t burden you
Fruitlessly anymore
If you forget
Who you cared for

Your notion of strength
Is too divert from frailty
I’m shameless
About vulnerability
I’m always to blame
For unveiling to you
Weak truth
But my truth
Is no longer
Nothing
you have to recoup
Or regard
if you don’t choose.