“I Close My Eyes, I Walk Away”

Born unto years of love
Gave me a vision
I refuse to relinquish

This fog you identify me of
But you had me identify myself
When Gods rain left me sift

As I grow
Maliciously you make me look back
Unable to take your stones
And rinse them off my back

Like you did that cold day
I close my eyes and walk away
I will emerge
I will evolve
And thoughts of dying
Without you won’t be so involved

I’ve failed your love
You say I drained your zest
The image God made
I’m crucified of
Who I was born to be
Makes me much less

Because as I grow
Your blame tells me
I’m imperfect
I gave up dreams
I gave up hope
My joy is for nobody
To resurrect

Like you did that cold day
I close my eyes and I walk away
I will emerge
I will evolve
Thoughts of dying without you
Won’t be so involved

I gave up a cradle
I gave up a my favorite story
My prized shoes were a waste
The vaguest are days
with most glory

Reaching out for you
overshadows how you lived for me
But an enemy I can’t be doomed to
If I want my longest storm
To finally pass over me

So like you did that cold day
I close my eyes
I run away
I will emerge
I will evolve
Thoughts of dying without you
Will grow uninvolved

Born unto years of love
Gave me a vision
I refuse to relinquish.

“Your Tears Of Empathy”

I thought I was flying
I was profusely crying
You never feared to cry
To lend yourself to my eyes

You were never overwhelmed
Never too tired for how I felt
Time passed us by
You rushed home to smile
In his eyes

You aimed for the door
My tears began to pour
I had to learn to gage
How to ride street level waves
As I drown inside
Life could only pass me by

Hearts grow evaporated
Promises go sedated
Only in episodes you cry
Death dispersed in your eyes

You easily say I’m cursed
And one million things worst
You’re not why I rediscovered life
And why I’ve rethought why I fly

You dashed for the door
My tears would not cease to pour
I’m unimportant and afraid
Drowning in street level waves
Dying inside
Life can only pass me by

Your tears of empathy
Froze into snowflakes
Fading from reality
Like who you portrayed

In your store of candy
I was never special
I’m just remnants now free
Only because I’m too much
of a handful

I look at my locked door
Like today when my tears poured
I still sometimes forget to gage
How to ride street level waves
And ponder my last breath inside
Life can only pass me by.

“Full Monarch Reassuring Me”

You read me
Like a tale
Because you know yourself

Your tears showered
As we sail
You know the loss I felt

You’re the full monarch
under the moon
Reassures me it gets better
Beyond the cocoon

Through my insecurity
Your softness upholds me
Where you reserve space for me
I am uplifted spiritually

When he hurt you
I thought your love is too gorgeous
He is not guided by you
I’m touched by your art so zealous

You’re a monarch under the moon
Reassuring me it gets better
Beyond the cocoon

Through my insecurity
Your softness upholds me
Where you reserve space for me
I’m uplifted spiritually

Someday I’ll be stable
And you have your dreams
But my heart is enabled
And you’re a winged gleam

You’re a full monarch under the moon
Promising it gets better
Beyond the cocoon

I’ll shed my insecurities
Your softness upholds me
Where I’m reserved for thee
I’m uplifted spiritually.

“Your Blanket”

I’ve never felt safe
But your blanket
Kept my smiling face

Half asleep
At the edge of the bed
I’m even unsafe
From memories
You allowed in my head

You’ve let me fall
You’ve let me crawl

If your blanket has
One too many blood stained stitches,
Why do these waves get colder
With these dying fishes?

If God took you
Spirits are too easy
For you to forsake
I’ve chased bliss
Like ashes of my family
Below a lake

Grudges buried deep
Like trust in safe havens
Tears substitute pills
Depression becomes
celestial abundance

You let me fall
You let me crawl….

No one has lived
In your shoes
No one walked away
In your shoes

No one has walked you through
Danger you’ve slept through
So you can walk in
Then walk out
When I’ve fallen

You let me fall
You let me crawl

If your blanket has
One too many blood stained stitches,
Why do my waves get colder
With all these dying fishes?

“Nowhere To Run To”

It’s agony
Laying still
With my heart
Beating rapidly
Overwhelming my will

Security,
Like a merman
Thrusted into air
Like one more stifled man

There’s nowhere
to run to
Fleeting are
the suns hues
I dreamt of somewhere
to run to

Vulnerability
Amplified by symptoms
Nobody hears me
My rainbow smile is even

I’m a man
Yet an unshed boy
I used to stand
Then I thinned working for joy

There’s nowhere
to run to
Left in too much
to swim through
I sense I had somewhere
to run to

If I ran away
And casted myself away
Unto a fall from grace

Only I
would slave away
To catch myself
Floating far away
And rectify my disgrace

When there’s
nowhere to run to
Love is a condition
I heal myself through
Still I had somewhere
to run to.

Family I Trusted My Existence In

“Family I Trusted My Existence In”
Carried all the shame

When I didn’t ask

To be possessed

They treated my heart

Like it’s always faint

Compared to theirs

My suffering is always less
Still I felt 

I could have protected

The girl that salvaged 

my youth

I could have somehow kept 

my mother

By remaining good enough

For her to choose
Now I know 

I never broke a soul

It’s their choice to run away

And never learn

How to love me

As I regretted

Scaring them away
I never broke

When letting go

They’ll never understand

All I can do is 

look for peace

In my empty hands
I’m not to blame

For madness 

they never learned 

to withstand

Empathy is an art

I was stoned 

for going insane

By my family I trusted 

My existence in

All I can do is understand 
I could have been 

a doormat

When the love of my life

Was always vowed

He did not fully see

He gave me 

my last family

I tried to not allow
I can’t break a soul

They choose 

to fly away

Not stay 

and hold me

I regretted 

scaring them away
I never broke

When forced to let go

They’ll never understand

I can search for peace

In my empty hands….
Nothing is eternal

Not even what’s maternal

I can uncover substitutes

With our passion 

continually skewed
But in my lifetime

Strangers should read 

caution signs

But next time 

I have to let go

I don’t have to distrust life

Because of 

a path they chose
I don’t break souls

They choose to run away

Never learning how to love me

I don’t need to live

Regretting I chased 

the world away
I never broke

In letting go

They’ll never understand 

But I can look for peace

In my empty hands.

“Frightening World (For Mom)”

I am to blame
Wanting to feel you love me
You’re a power
A Heaven towering above me

You gave me
A blank diary
Not so your thin air
Could write the end of me

So here I am
Redefining who I am
In my own story
Distrustful
Of any resemblance
Of glory

So the butterfly has spread his wings
It’s still a frightening world out there

I went insane
To learn no one knows
How to love me
And I went sour
To find humor in all
They think of me

You taught me
How to love
It seemed my heart
You longed to live off of

As my utilized heart
Became a mere vacancy
There’s peace in nobody
Making a travesty

So the butterfly has spread his wings
It’s still a frightening world out there

It’s my fault
Hoping you’d be the exception
After you gave me life
And tearfully prayed
I’d carry it through

But I’ve sought
The Lord to realize
my spirits freedom

Woefully I’ll let you and I die
I can only be brave
If I heal without you

As the butterfly spreads his wings
It’s a frightening world out there.

“Where Little Boys Run”

My fortress tuned out
Pain she taught me to feel
If stems can reap themselves
From my roots
My petals seem too unreal

She’d say she’s weathered
Amplifying my youth’s torture
I’m supposed to
leave it to God
Forgive my blood
was robbed

Behind the sun
Where little boys run
Dreams are lost and miss
A breath short of bliss

Then a hero saved
and cradled me
With his own cocoon
to break through
He only blinded me
Promising to make a tribe
A dream come true

If we stayed together
His God would have turned
A cold shoulder
I’m supposed to know
how to live
Like snowmen
with smiles
merry children give

Behind the sun
In his arms I’d run
Our dream was always
going to miss
A breath shorth of bliss

My polished floors are unsafe
For miniature feet to dance
I can’t be there
For each turn they’ll take
Such promises
don’t stand a chance

I can love you
A fortress and a hero loved me
I can not save you
Sometimes your one home
Is inside of you

Behind the sun
Where little boys run
Dreams are lost and miss
A breath short of bliss.

“Just To Be Heard”

Did you think I don’t feel?
When time penned our tale?
Smiles were too easy
For you to steal
Happiness was an art
I failed

For I felt too much
You made me feel
Like a plague
You loved me so much
Freedom is all we feel today

You never had to fix anything
Some notes are laced
with tears to sing
If you stayed to listen
I would have been
Tempered by our covenant
It would have set me free
Like a bird
Just to be heard

Am I the only one real?
Who suffered enough
To compose a symphony
Maybe nobody can yield
To emotions of intensity
Beyond their reality

Now I feel too much
I feel like everyone’s plague
I loved you too much
Freedom is what we feel today

You never had to fix anything
Some notes are laced
with tears to sing
If you stayed to listen
I would have been
Tempered by our covenant
It would have set me free
Like a bird
Just to be heard

I can only fly
If I feel
I am only alive
Digging into my heart
Till my soul feels real

You never had to fix anything
Some notes are laced
with tears to sing
If you stayed to listen
I would have been
Tempered by our covenant
It would have set me free
Like a bird
Just to be heard.