“Numb Flesh”

For Eric Baker

Crumbling without you
Corrupted beside you
You always knew what to say
Tearful for your touch
that has come to fade

I can’t remember
how you feel
My purpose
Easy to steal

Numbness of your flesh
can’t save me
There was life
your touch gave me

You painted my skies
A snowflake melted
before my eyes

You offered belonging
I’ve never had
Then couldn’t grasp
I’ve always been mad

Can you remember how I feel?
Was our purpose ever real?
Your numb flesh can’t save me
Your touch was life you gave me

I know I’m a man now
Still I long for my fire alarm
To be heard

Can’t you somehow
Feel how you once
took pride in touch
As a lovebird?

Grieving all I belonged to
You can’t fathom
being anonymous

Can you note you never
followed through
Nesting me with what
Made you appear
to be virtuous?

When you can’t remember
how love feels
Motioning in life seems unreal

Your flesh numbed
You’ll never again salvage me
I bawl for life
your flesh gave me.

“Violet Rays In Broken Promises”

You come to realize
They still would have walked away
Nobody taught them
How to guide their hearts
A healthier way

Peace sets in past your eyes
Freed of shame that weighed you
Day after day
You’re trimming their prickly stems
Anthems drown out all they say

Free as violet rays
At the end of a tunnel
Of broken promises

Light boxes heal more than a deadly haze
They fault you as they run
Stones are blessings in disguise
Like God’s kisses

If you rationalize
You’ll see nothing you say
Will make them look within
To dissolve what won’t let them stay

Now you can visualize
The impact of their memories
Fading away
You know yourself within
They’re not special enough
to know you today

Free as violet rays
At the end of a tunnel
Of broken promises

I slaved to heal myself
So I’d be better for you
I taught you the lessons
on all my shelves
Hoping I’d be an epicenter too

I evolved
My sights broadened
I learned another changed
And she is now a blur

You regressed
and hardened
Either way
I’ve learned
You could never replace her

Free as violet rays
At the end of a tunnel
Of broken promises

Light boxes heal more than
Any deadly haze
All of you faulted me and ran
Stones are blessings in disguise
Like God’s kisses.

“Your Love Is My Unfulfilled Need (Sacrificed the Lotus I Grew On)”

When you’re waiting
For one to love you
You know their identity
Was in carrying you through

You can lose yourself
In their camouflaged shadow
They were your security
Till their true colors
harshly came aglow

I wouldn’t be here
without you
But I had to make
freedom true
Who we love most
can kill us
Saving space in my heart
for you
Makes it easier
for you to cut

So I sacrifice the lotus
I grew on
I flew where you won’t trust
The ground I walk on
Taking control of
what I hear and see
Ending cycles spinning

When you’re ailing
And love lacks
mission statements
You’re now dependent
On love to shine through
like sermons

You never learn to shine
for yourself
You’re oblivious to how
you’re loveable
There’s no joy
you’ve independently felt
Till mission statements become
void and null

I wouldn’t be here
without you
But I had to make
freedom true
Who we love
most can kill us
Keeping space in my heart
for you
Makes it easier
for you to cut

I sacrifice the lotus
I was raised on
I flew where you don’t trust
The ground I walk on
Taking control
of all I hear and see
I don’t suppress my pain
Ending cycles spinning

I use the strength and spine
You bestowed upon me
I pray God sets free
from your mind
Wrathful pride
weighing you
Heavily

You will never love me
Like you loved me
yesterday
But always your love
Is my unfulfilled need
If you wish to heal
someday

I’m here
because of you
But I had to make
freedom true
Who I love most
can kill me
Saving my heart
for you
Makes cutting me
so easy

I sacrifice the lotus
I grew on
I fly where you don’t trust
The ground I walk on
Taking control
of all I hear and see
You suppress your pain
I end cycles spinning.

Past The Mist

Truth is
you disappeared
When I gained
a voice
I knew what I’d hear
Was not
the only choice

You burned stones
Of your promises
All because
you won’t learn
To understand

You tried
reconciling
But I can’t suppress bruises
From shaking yourself
roughly from my hand

When I couldn’t be
your project
Once secured
by you
You’ll never resurrect

So I grieve,
overflowing in tears
And I recall
you’ve buried
Your demons
for years

I’ll never know why
I’ve lost you
I know I was not
a cost to you
You see it like it is
I see
you’re unwilling
To see
past the mist

I compensated for all
You refused to learn
Just so it was harmonious
Over breakfast

And I made believed
I simmered your burns
When you’re still the queen
Of cutthroat tacts

It was an oversight
you begged me
to live for you
Then you ran away
with my only purpose
for life

Like my suicideology
Is not due to you
I silently took from your hands
Your bloody knife

You once nurtured
Emotional expression
But now call my cries
Dramatic auditions

So I’m grieving
Overflowing with tears
I resist reaching out to you
Only out of fears

I’ve lost you
At no cost to you
You see it
Like it is
I see
you’re unwilling
To see
past the mist

No longer under your wing
First you shook me
Then I saved myself
Soaring

Cracking eggshells inside
But I’ve flewn too far
to harbor your insanity

Broken-hearted,
tearfully
Tables turned
and I urged you
To keep away
from me

I’ll always yearn
innately
For you
to open to me
But as my tears
flood me
And overflow
around me

Your absence
Is so
liberating

I’ve forever lost you
At no cost to you
You see it
Like it is
I see
you’re unable
To see
past the mist.

“Embraceable Me”

I didn’t have power over me
Everyone believed
They forsook me

Losing my spirit
was my limit
I can see I showered credit
For those who are not God
For those who
never made me

Wherever I go
I am worthy
Of an embrace
Unconditionally

There was always hope
In this colorful humanity
One will take note
Of embraceable me

If they can’t contend
with me
It’s not my burden
to cripple me
It’s their awakening
To grow into

But I can’t make them
Grow with me
And I can’t allow
My evolution
to be flooded by grief

Now I’m the one in control
When I was once powerless
When I was robbed
Of my youth

Wherever I go
I am worthy
Of being embraced
Unconditionally…

I’ll know
When he’s not selfish
I’ll know
If he knows to value my soul
Learning to my flaws he’ll relish
He won’t just live for me
To make himself whole

I won’t be targeted
For who God made me
I’ll be loved enough
That each sun will be
Allowed to rise just openly

It will be known that only I
Can save me
Contentment will lie
In being present with me

Wherever I go
I am worthy
Of an embrace
Unconditionally

No one will take my hope
In our colorful humanity
Someday he will pen notes
For embraceable me.

“No Longer In Your Cocoon”

I was in your womb
A caterpillar
I’m no longer
in your cocoon
I’ll let you be
a shooting star
Of a mother

I leave it all behind
To breakthrough
And sprout wings
Abandoned and blind
But I can see
When winged masters scream
Cocoons are emptied
And finally ready
For a new beginning

I’d never dream
To make you grovel
To make you regard
Your first gleam
I can assist you gladly
With the shovel

I leave it all behind
To breakthrough
To sprout wings
Abandoned and blind
But I can see now
Winged masters scream
Cocoons are emptied
They’re finally ready
For a new beginning

I am my own
Purpose for breathing
You don’t need any pride for me
Your pride is not defining
I can accept your love diminished for me
But I can say I’ve loved
Unconditionally
As I’m fluttering past you
When you’ve given up
on me

I’m leaving it all behind
To sprout wings
Once abandoned
Once so blind
Now I see
As winged masters
Are screaming
And cocoons emptied
And are ready
For this new beginning.