Merman Is Your Bait

“Merman Is Your Bait”

Fearless of floodgates
Hope they pour blood
I’m armored from all I face

I see life without family
I dodge stones insecurely
I may not plant roots permanently

I wasn’t given
So much to feel
For you to conclude
My heart is unreal
You suppress emotion
I feel oceans
And nothing you say
Can make a merman bait

Everyday is a Mother’s hurricane
Every other season is a storm
Everyone I meet
Is somewhat insane

You live life green and structured
You believe you do no wrong
You fueled the fire
I throw in my rapture

I don’t overtly feel
For you to conclude
My heart is unreal
You bottle emotion
As I outpour oceans
Nothing you say
Can make this merman bait

I’m always running
To catch up with myself
I’m always turning
To see who knew what I felt

You showed me
No one cares to listen
Though they’re lonely
They think they glisten

Why must I have
Too much to feel?
Maybe I am unreal
Teach me to lock emotion
Sometimes I slip
In my oceans
The drowning you cause
You’ll never dare say
Sometimes this merman
Is your bait.

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Throned Woman

I throned a woman

She housed men
They terrorized me
Her vicious cycle
Slipped into me

Now I need a man
But no man
Can fully understand
Till they’re in your soul
From day one
I’ve cried
To be made whole

I ran away
Forgave too many
Endless days
Are too much
To carry

I gave away
Life to your lessons
To your boys dismay
Love clouds wisdom

When this woman ran
I fell into a man
I know how he adored me
But much like you
He wouldn’t prioritize me

Now I need to stand
Still failing to understand
Why I’m not secure
In any soul
I’ve cried
From day one
To feel whole

So I ran away
When my empathy
Poured into strays
They remember me
Threateningly

I gave away
My life to your lessons
Upon your boy’s break
Loss clouds wisdom

Independence
Saddens me
Belonging to you
Belonging to him
Belonging to family
Was so sweet

My tears
Flood this new city
With nobody caring
With nobody knowing
Me

Now I need you more
If you’d feel past the shore
I carry the seven seas
Within my soul
Days I drown
Your disregard
Makes you seem
So whole

Running away
Forgiving abandonment
Through endless days
I wade in disenchantment

I’ve given my life
To loving just like you
You judge what I feel inside
But my love
Can’t escape you.

You’re In My Words

“You’re In My Words”

I never chose
My insanity
Still I drove you away
You’re so sure
Of your clarity

But where does my emotion
Come from,
overwhelming me?

You felt such exhaustion
You needed a vacation
I couldn’t leave
The man you made me to be
Never outgrown from me

You’re in my words
I was a wing glued
To your bird

Now I built my own nest
You don’t see your temper
Can be freed from
Your chest

You fault me
For you not
Possessing serenity
But you own you
I own me
A past argues
With your clarity

Who took words and volume
And instilled them in me?

I was orphaned and lifeless
You gave my spirit a test
But I did all I could
To be a lucid person
Still you resent me
And have no pride
For my new season

You’re in my words
I was dependent on your bird
I built my own nest
Your temper keeps you
In your chest

I could ask you
Why did I turn out so wrong?
I could ask you
Where I learned to be this strong?

But you’ll never say
You’re anything like me
But I will say
Then why did you compose me?

You gave me my words
Once we were glued birds
I twigged my own nest
Your words are still bottled
Inside your chest.

Carry Yourself Through


Letting go

Of all you clung to
Is a dependent
Learning to say No
Growing wings
Secured by your own truth

When they held you
And left you lost and blue
Climb the winds
Towards a life anew
You can carry yourself through

Don’t be who you’re not
Born to be
There’s no flaw
in how you see
The one choice
Was to be unglued
You can carry yourself through

Love was not love
It was a blanket
Now you know to choose
Souls not so easy to lose
Courage for what
They’ve always wanted

They all held you
They were lost to their blue
But winds take you to life brand new
You can carry yourself through

You know who
You were born to be
It’s flawless what you see
You saw it was best
To be unglued
You carry yourself through

Pitifully they worried
If you’d rise above
But loss hurried
Like scurried love

You always knew more
Of yourself
They closed doors
But there was always
Evolution
You always felt

Once upon a time
They held you
You can cure
Your own blues
Winds swirl within you
You carry yourself through

Your courage was born to be
Too bad they’re blind
To how you see
They never warned you
You’d be unglued
But you can carry yourself through.

No Hand To Hold

“No Hand To Hold”

Existence handed to me
By hands not my own
I landed in security
I had never truly flewn
Though I was worldly
My bubble was set in stone

But now there’s no hand
To hold
Souls were sold
But my soul held it’s own
Without any hand to hold
I’m setting my own stone

I mustered courage
To leave my comfort
There’s no luxury
In surrounding ghosts

Escaping to strange nurses
Was absurd
I needed to fly away
The most
I pondered how much
I am worth
To land where I’d pray
On a different rose

I was stripped of all I held
I learned how easy
A soul can sell
My despondent soul
Has grown
Without a hand to hold
I set my own stone

It took weighing
Why should I live?
I gave up praying
When they stole faith
I give

I took back my faith
May they relish
In all I gave
I gave myself
A new life
Holding only
Evolution inside

I almost refused to hold on
Without anyone to make me strong
I was strong enough to carry
All I own
Without a hand to hold
I carried my own carved stone.

Contrasts

L
“Contrasts”

Both out of place
No man can see
Beyond my face

It’s unheard of
What I refuse to intake
Expected to be
Part of the chase

Surely we’d differ
Contrasts steer you away
From being my lover

Wholly you’re part of me
But being born
On different days
Sways your disconnect
From me

We both cry within
Neither are purified from sin
We pen differed books
Of wisdom
We know different ways
Life sickens

Surely we’ve had our lovers
Fears steer you away
You’ve chalked it up
To We Differ

You’re immersed in me
We were burnt
Before we could meet
And it sways your disconnect
From me

I will never be you
But what I’ve learned so far
Makes Heaven feel so true
Like I have a reason
To be scarred

Will he come true?
He who can fully heal
Our hearts
There’s undeniable truth
Differed colors
Can compliment each other
And emerge from the dark

Surely we differ
Contrasts chase you away
From letting half of you
Be my other

You know me
How I stand differently
I sway your disconnect
From me.

Another Free Spirit

“Another Free Spirit”

Another free spirit
Wrapped around me
In my new bed
I’ve learned the trick
In being free
To life around me
Without losing my head

Maybe he’s scared
Maybe he can’t be trusted
Life can be so unfair
And I can let go
And still be uplifted

I have not lamented
Over yesterday
Tears were drained
And I ascended

I won’t compromise
My sweetness yesterday
Though I’ve been changed
Opening my dazzled eyes

I twigged a nest
Independently
I can say my life
Is my own

Many have stolen
From me
But I’m too strong
To let codependence
Leave my mind stoned

He might be gone
My image might have
been skewed
And no one has to know me
Loving myself
Is all that is true

I was enchanted
By yesterday
Tears rearranged me
As storybook’s dampened…

He may stay
He may go and be free
Ancient memories surround me
In my new bed in which I lay
Outside this new high rise window
Yesterday is too easy to see

But I have not lamented
Over dark tunnels
I carried myself through
How storms become ancient

I’ve thankfully realized
Who I was yesterday
Was led without a hand
To a place
That shall open my eyes.

I’ve Landed


“I’ve Landed”

I’ve landed
With little room to smile
No one handed me
A map for a sheltered child

But my open heart
Will guide me into souls
Suburbia is far
Broken hearts will take a toll

But I bring openness
To a shut down city
Shedding brokenness
May the fearful know
They can trust me

I’m without structure
But I transcend professionalism
Some hearts are with my signature
Making it over infinite prisms

My wings are prepared
To enwrap and warm broken souls
There’s life staying scared
Horrific histories will take a toll

They can’t scare away
My openness
I bestow upon
This bolted city
I shed brokenness
Reserve my spirituality
I hope this city realizes
It can trust me

You look down
Run from me
You can’t steal
My songs sound
From me

I’ve been floating
Desperate to understand pain
I took the sting
I know this city knows rain

But I come with openness
And smiles for this city
Worlds apart from brokenness
Elbowing individuality
May the heavy birds see
They can trust me.