“Bury One More Easter”

I should be living
Like resurrecting
Our eyes opened doors
Like eyes before.

I was dead at birth
You don’t have my worth
I just can’t celebrate
Gods that preach to you
Loving me is Hate.

I took enough pills
Like others
You conspired to take my will.
You’d feel charcoal
But never a birth of love
Just a decline
As a sinister soul.

You’re predictable
Stole my heart
Stole my soul
Blurred my focus
I can’t avoid a spark

Heart I was giving
You were supporting
Life support you’re
Unplugging.

Thought there was hope
Like infections cope
I just can’t pray for
Life that leaves me begging
Leaves me unanswered for.

I stare at pills
Like the others
You paralyzed me still.
If you sleep past dawn
If I slipped you a downer
You’d feel like you feel
For my song.

You were colorful
Like an Easter egg
I mistook you’re soulful.
I’ve never been
Inside my head
I can’t avoid
My spirit’s death.

Unbreakable chain
Irreversibly in rain
Predictable allure
Desperate to feel secure.

You think we’ve grown
Like primates to Pastors
But our regress can’t be sewn.
As we bury one more Easter
I die again
You’ve just flown.

“Butterflies Are Liars”

There’s no recapturing
Myself before you
You carried through a boy
And a weary man
Wobbles before you

You’ve walked me
Through your gardens
You’ve left me
Scorching in my Hell
Betraying your sermons
But I’ve made a home
Inside bottomless wells

I’m called freer
I just don’t care anymore
You’re the reaper
I’m numb at my core

You’re sheerly symbolizing
Innocence suddenly lost
Mama’s boy was grieving
Your net had a cost

Now souls are two faced
As I listen to your hymns
I’ll never trust
A church boy’s grace
My sky is forever dimmed

I’m called freer
I said I’d free myself
But butterflies are liars
Their short life spans
Bind their illusionary selves

Mama instilled strength
But you have the courage
You have my love
And I love with Mama’s love
With much you gained

I’ve waded through
Trying to flourish
That boy with your handprints
Is in your Heaven above

Who you tried to preserve
Will never be recaptured
Maybe I deserved
To misread rapture

When I return
To your gardens
I’ll just see thorns
In your blooms
I don’t have to believe
In your Eden
To feel poisoned
By your sweet swoon

You call me deeper
My depths captured
The best of me
You seemed sweeter
Like candy that sickens
As so sugary.

You Are Our Own

“You Are Our Own”
Dedicated to Little Daniel

He is less than well
What he needs
You easily can tell

I remember well
When I was in need
You held me
With fairytales I’d reap

Lay with him
Heal him as his blessing
When he wears thin
Horizons are your broadening

Far from me
I suffer alone
But he is salvaged by thee
I know you are our own

Your words release
Our hearts peaceful birds
You need no guide to read
You’re in tune with peace
You’re what we need

Lay with him
Heal him as his blessing
When he wears thin
Horizons are your broadening

Far from me
I suffer alone
But he is salvaged by thee
You are our own

On a stormy day
Your arms wrapped around me
I felt kissed by my rain
You sang of life so free
You ran back to your boy
I ache for his discomfort
But your blanket is joy
You paint smiles
Over suffering’s worth

Lay with him
Heal him as his blessing
When he’s wearing thin
His horizon is your broadening

Too far from me
Suffering without you alone
But he is salvaged
Like I could be
You are our own.

   
 
  

I Always Wait For You

“I Always Wait For You”
I was understood 
Validated

Wrapped by you

Elated.

I was striving with you

Seeing your peace

Loved like love was true

Close to feeling sadness cease.

Then you transported 

To some other place

A time that had me 

Aborted

As I memorized 

Your face.

Seems you can’t return

To where we were

Your planet orbits around

Other concerns 

And just like you,

You want them all heard.

It’s funny I’ve tried

To forget you

Thought I could 

Regret you

But I’d wait eons

For you to come through.

You were a constant star

A wish from God

You’d never be a scar

You made me less odd 

You were inspired sermons 

Without reason to twist words 

Your heart made me

A tenant 

You never forsook me

To herds.

Then you sought matrimony

And circles of friends

I only exist immorally 

My invites are dead ends

You admit to never feel

What kept me here

His ring will never feel

How my heart rings you dear.

It’s funny I have to

Forget you

It’s easier to heartlessly

Regret you

But I wait outside

And run to you

Like you’re true.

Once upon a time

I watercolored your tears 

Our hours and blood rhymed

We never imagined fear.

When the page turned

You were too full for me 

Though fairytales burn

I break on those days

Without a role for me.

But my seconds could never

Forget you

Your grace won’t let me

Regret you

I may smile

And keep it a secret

But I always wait

For you.

Before You’ll Never Land

For Eric

It’s not easy
To say I’m crazy
I think my craze
Is why you can’t love me

It’s not easy
To feel we are free
Being bound to you
Had it’s beauties

I learned you
But knew you
I learned
Where I stand
But I love you

Dreams came true
My soul mate took my hand
But I had to save myself
Before you’ll never land

You’d never say I’m insane
But I saw you
Grow sick caught in my rain
Can you hear
Say you’re clouds and sun?

We’re unloved boys thrilled
As rainbows had begun

I saw you
I see you
I can’t understand
When I love you

A maze we strolled through
And woke in
Each other’s hands
But it’s time for through roads
Before you’ll never land

I apologize
Scientists have not made meds
So I can realize
The rage is in my head

Forgive me
I allowed emotion to rule me
You just tried to give me
A soul that won’t fool me

You’re flawed too
Professing love untrue
I’ll never understand
When I love you

But you love me
When you’re trimmed
From your ancient roots
You don’t plant seeds for me
When you bury our truth

It’s hurts so much
To see I scared you
I bring back tones
You can’t break through

It delights me
To know you’re so soft
But your charms
Are daily thoughts
With a cost.

 

You Caged Me

“You Caged Me”
I’m dying
For one oblivious of
What is true
I’m just laying
As I’m made less than love
Everything now feels untrue

Rage is a cage
I scream
With an ignored voice
The enlightenment I say
Still slays me
with no worth
To be a choice

I’ve been forgiving
For there’s no life
Without him
There was always room
For him to lay

But forgetting
Summer blossoms
Are mindlessly trimmed
I’m surrounded by petals
Now decayed

I was born
Too free for a cage
I’m too loving
To scream acid

And I’m more
Than all I gave

You only presume
you’ve learned
How to freely live

You’ve drawn my routes
As to how to embrace you
But I saw too much
In my youth
And I can embrace
Our suppressed truth

If you can’t face
Our truth?
And you still want my love
Inside a cage?

See, I saw love soar
Without inhibition
In my youth

And I can’t stay
Long enough
To show you
Out of your cage

I’m on the outskirts
To be free
Of dreams you’re trapped in

I can also set free
And forgive love
You caged me within.

   
 

Candlelight To Your Knife

“Candlelight To Your Knife”
You ought to know

Little boys need

To be heard
You ought to know

How to attach meaning

To my words
When you walked away

I’ve walked by the rules

Of your life
There were times

I couldn’t stay

Then I remembered 

My voice has life
I won’t follow your walk

Orchestrating the notes

Of my life
People listen when I talk

I just take candlelight

To your knife
You used to feel

I was a boy that could teach

About the seven seas
But we weren’t real

anyone you would seek

could set you free
You diminished 

my greatness

I stopped being

Your vitality 
I resigned to asylums

Feeling lifeless

Till I saw you’ve never

Felt intensity
When I saw I meant less

I felt meaningless

To humanity
You ran away to regress

A candle melted 

Your weaponry
We were manboys

Fallen in the same joy

But the man in me

Sees you’re more a boy

A boy who can’t 

Be in love

Blue skies are all

You daydream of
And the man in you

Can’t feel when he kills

What a boy dreams of
I lived to be in your hands

Your hands nearly hurt me

One more hurt 

you can’t understand 

Again happiness

Felt unworthy
I want to live

By your vision

Though you flood

My way to visualize 

I could not speak 

On the damage within

But you want a smile

As you’ve emptied 

your eyes

Ritualistic

You got me started
Just to end my beliefs
Love immersed and started
But you clung to beliefs
You were a constant end
I found myself in pieces
I did not care to mend
You mistook love had traces

You breaking me
Learning from
You abusing me
You took from me
You listened to hear
What you could use
From me
But it’s your man
That should teach you heart
I’ll save mine and depart

You’d like me to see you
From angles you see yourself
Some smiles are untrue
My angle of me is truly felt
You feel light through you
I’d stay if I felt you felt me
Your sight I cringe at
Through and through
Is nothing to sights
That created me

You breaking me
Learning from
You abusing me
You took from me…

I’ll never hate your heart
It’s simplicity is like art
You exist in your bright hues
Almost erasing my truths

I don’t care for
A perfect picture
I’ve suffered
Your utopian lectures
Brokenness is stronger
I won’t be a vision
Any longer

I began beside you
I longed to hide in you
You returned
To righteousness
I wanted to die
To feel blessed

But you began a death wish
Said your touch was a myth
You don’t know passion
For a man
Passion I felt is too puzzled
To understand
So I bury our vision
And leave you
To a robotic simpleton.