Unloveable

I’m lusting
Lust is unpleasant reminder
Of the brokenness
It ejaculates

Longing for love
Reminds me of how unloveable 
You made me feel

Every flaw
Every incision
Every wound
Surfaces when I glance at a man

I would only intensify 
The voices in his head
I would expose him to knowledge
That would traumatize him

Entering my heart
Is like spending a family holiday
In an asylum with
Unbiological and enmeshed crazies

The crazies are so enmeshed 
That they’re exquisite mirror
And my reflection
Draws a caution tape
That keeps love away from 
Ever touching me

To be untouched
Is to be plagued
With a feverish sickness
Of deprivation
Of human contact

There’s no pill 
For this human disease
The only panacea 
Would be the undivided gift
Of unconditional love

Only unconditional love
Can bear to forgive me
For being so unloveable.

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