Monarch Butterfly

September 3, 2013 at 4:41pm ·

I’m starting to feel it: my own self-acceptance of HIV, and of the different, more careful life I now have to lead. My roommate and I just rearranged my bedroom, so I can have more floor space to resume exercising. I haven’t worked out since I found out I’m positive. However, I just worked out again today, because my t-cell count and viral load was low two weeks ago, and I’ve been hearing how crucial physical fitness is to treating HIV. Also, I don’t want my mental and emotional state to suffer because I don’t work out. Poor mental and emotional health can trigger poor physical health. So, now that I’ve established my school schedule, and know which HIV meetings I’ll be attending, I have scheduled times this week for resuming my work out regimen.

Also, I believe my approach to life and romance is shifting. I’ve been feeling a little less anxious and worrisome. And I haven’t been so fervent about boys.
I’m going to allow HIV to wake me up,…..from past wounds, from old detrimental habits, and even from negative thought process. I’m turning 30 this year. Not only do I have to leave childish ways behind, but I have to do so knowing I am HIV+. I intend for my thirties to be my sharpest, most fulfilling, and most centered era yet. So, I leave you with “Monarch Butterfly.”

Enjoy!

MONARCH BUTTERFLY
By Daniel Garcia

I am no robot
I am no machine
I can’t just cut the strings attached
I can’t just run from love’s attack

I wander a dying city
Looking for a secret to life
Maybe it’s in a trinity
Maybe it’s in flying a kite

I just became a monarch butterfly
The life I wanted yesterday
Has no place with me today
And now a monarch butterfly flies to the light
Sometimes the world ends blissfully
This new beginning starts with me…

Broken hearts land here
We make love to fear
But when we’re part of broken love
Our souls won’t know what God’s made of

I am not a fatherless child
I am not a shy, abused boy
Or a queer with teary smiles
Or a psycho with pills for toys

I just became a monarch butterfly
The life I wanted yesterday
Has no place with me today
And now a monarch butterfly flies to the light
Sometimes the world ends blissfully
This new beginning starts with me…

And when I find
The descendants
Of Jesus Christ
I will tell them
About evolution
And I will pray
For those who are lost
In broken light
I will give them
My evolved compassion

I am faithful like wet rainbows
I am dumbfounded by emotions
I am Adam’s Steve and it shows
I am a fighter with soft motions

I just became a monarch butterfly
The life I wanted yesterday
Has no place with me today
And now a monarch butterfly flies to the light
Sometimes the world ends blissfully
This new beginning starts with me.

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