I’m not perfect. I could be reactive. But you are not solid either. In the end, i fought you so much, not because I’m allegedly “unstable”, but because you refused to go to therapy to process through your dysfunctional and highly “unstable” upbringing.
How could I be more insane than you if you yourself claimed to “envy” my more stable upbringing? You weeped for my forgiveness, as you confessed you were so mean to me because being in that cabin got you reminiscing of your childhood. You became isolated and depressed because you missed the support system you left behind in LA. So you became angrier and more quick to be temperamental, breaking things and threatening to kill yourself. If the breakup was truly because I was so Bipolar, then why did I NEVER threaten suicide, yet you did? 
You also threatened to have me arrested to control how I returned to LA. You threatened to make me homeless in a foreign state. You kept me couped up in the second bedroom without even a bed to sleep on. So, you see, eventually I felt unsafe and trapped.
I suddenly didn’t know what you were capable of. That’s why you remember me pushing you out of the second room with the trunk, on my hands and knees. 
Given this whole inventory, how could you tell Paul that I was the mean and unstable one? Won’t you take personality responsibility for all the damage you inflicted, the damage I’m still processing through.
I was so in love with you, which is I often miss you, in spite of how abusive you became in Nebraska. You’re a good man. You did good things for me. We were kindred spirits for many reasons. I’ve never been more enamored since my first love. 
I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. I have empathy for your childhood trauma, and I wish I could have succeeded at inspiring you to grow past it. 
I hope you’re living life marvelously. I forgive you. A part of me will always love you. Don’t be a stranger.


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